What is Relational Life Therapy (RLT)?
Relationships are one of the most important parts of our lives, and also one of the most challenging. Many couples find themselves repeating the same arguments, falling into painful patterns, or struggling to stay connected. That’s where Relational Life Therapy (RLT) comes in.
RLT is a cutting-edge approach to couples counselling that’s both direct and compassionate. Developed by therapist Terry Real, RLT is designed to help partners move beyond blame, learn to see their own part in the cycle, and build a deeper, more authentic connection with one another.
The Core Principles of RLT
At the heart of RLT are some simple but powerful truths:
Intimate connection is our birthright. We are healthiest when we’re deeply connected to ourselves and others.
Intimacy is something you do. It’s not passive; it requires intentional effort, moment to moment.
Relational empowerment matters. True growth comes not just from focusing on yourself, but from learning how to show up well in your relationship.
Full respect living. The coping patterns that once helped you survive may no longer serve you. RLT helps you honour where they came from while learning new ways forward.
How RLT Works: The Three Phases
RLT sessions move through three main phases:
Loving Confrontation – Instead of tiptoeing around issues, I’ll gently but honestly point out the patterns I see in your relationship. This helps each partner “wake up” to how their behaviour may be contributing to the problem. I call it as I see it, but always with compassion and respect.
Deep Trauma Work – Many of our relationship struggles trace back to old wounds. RLT helps you identify and heal those hurts, often with both partners present, so you can reconnect with yourself and each other in healthier ways.
Skill Building – Once the old patterns are understood and softened, we focus on learning practical skills: better communication, healthier boundaries, and new ways of interacting that bring you closer instead of pushing you apart.
Why RLT Feels Different
Unlike some forms of couples therapy, RLT is active, transparent, and no-nonsense. I don’t just sit back and nod, I engage with both of you, reflect what’s happening in the moment, and guide you toward breaking free from old dynamics. Couples often find this approach refreshing because it gets straight to the heart of what’s really going on.
Who RLT Helps
I specialize in working with Millennial and Gen Z couples, across all sexual orientations and gender identities. Whether you’re dating, engaged, or married, RLT can help you:
Break unhelpful cycles of conflict
Build empathy and compassion for one another
Heal from past hurts and traumas
Develop new ways of relating that make your relationship stronger
Final Thoughts
RLT isn’t about assigning blame, it’s about helping each partner take responsibility for their part and learn new ways of connecting. It’s honest, sometimes intense, but always grounded in the goal of helping you create the kind of relationship you truly want.
If you’re ready to move past the old patterns and learn how to do intimacy in a whole new way, Relational Life Therapy may be the right fit for you.
